How to handle the Fear of Feeling

Usually when I speak about a deeper connection to body wisdom, I experience a lot of resonance from followers coming my way. It seems like there is a widely spread agreement that a deeper connection to our own body and its inherent intelligence is of benefit. Or even needed during the time we are living in. 

Every time I receive these reflections from beings around me and the wider collective I feel a spark of motivation. My energy rises, my heart opens and I know I am on the right track with my work on The Embodied Path.

However, when it comes to actually doing the work and getting to know the body I see some people hesitating. I’ve come to realize that there are a few core reasons for this. One is the fear of feeling and getting in touch with our subconscious mind.

This fear of feeling shows up like a barrier. A holding back. It is not really clear what this holding back is but it is there. It is hard to notice,subtle, foggy. We cannot fully pinpoint it but it keeps us from diving into this work. Recognize yourself here?

Where the fear of feeling is rooted

The embodiment journey is connected to feeling, no doubt. If we long for a deeper connection with ourselves, our own body and body wisdom we need to invite a deeper connection with feeling as well. The body thrives and expresses itself through sensations that we feel.

Once we open the door to these feelings it can initially seem like opening Pandora’s box. Questions arise such as “what else is there once I start digging?”, “what will come to the surface once I open up to my body?” and “will I be able to handle all of it?”.

Deep within us we know that the body also holds old trauma and wounding that we may or may not want to look at. That we may or may not be aware of. If we then on top have a history of feeling uncomfortable with strong emotions, we are likely to turn away from a world we have less control of.

The result is disassociation, distracting and numbing with activities or substances. And the cost is a life in which we do not really feel in touch with ourselves.

How to handle the fear of feeling

Here is the way forward: everyone of us can learn the capacity of feeling and sensing as well as holding and being with our feelings as they emerge. This neither means getting beyond them as quickly as possible or making sense of them in an instant. It is the pure experience of feeling, that we are exploring.

If that seems spooky to you, trust me, it is possible! In my own journey, I had to move from feeling barely anything due to trauma to being able to hold space for pretty much any emotion today. It is not easy sometimes, yes, however for nothing in the world would I want to miss the empowerment and freedom that comes with being able to be with my feelings.

How do you build this embodied capacity? The most powerful tools I’ve mainly used are embodied mindfulness, somatic awareness and self-regulation tools.

Embodied mindfulness and somatic awareness have helped me to notice when a feeling arises in my body and when I begin to turn my awareness away from it. I’ve come to realize that the earlier I become aware of the felt experience of my feelings the more do I have a chance to utilize self-regulation tools to hold space and handle them.

One of the most efficient tools for self-regulation and finding my way back to ease – as paradoxically as it may seem – is feeling and naming sensations. This is what somatic awareness is all about. Important: it is less about naming the feeling as in “anger”, “sadness” or “loneliness”. It is more about noticing what occurs in your body: tight chest, contraction in the belly, suffocating in the throat, etc. Without interpretation, rationalizing or story telling. Just the sensations as such.

This way we decouple the body-sensation experience and the sense-making of the mind. The mind will want to place the sensations into a category it knows from the past. And before we know it we are stuck in the story of the past and in an endless loop of repeating what does not serve us. Emotions are somatic experiences through which we can observe without any interpretation or analysis.

In other words: staying on the level of body sensation will get you out of the story of the past and out of patterns of remaining in a limited experience of yourself. Naming body sensations will get you back into a neutral place and calm down any agitation in the nervous system.

This is one way of nervous system regulation – a core element of my approach to embodiment coaching. And a foundation for experiencing emotions in a safe way. The more we are in tune with body sensations the more we can regulate when overwhelming emotions come in.  

Once that has happened you can go ahead and name the emotion and do any processing if necessary. However, any processing done while being in an activated state can rather re-traumatize us than bring us forward.

Feeling your feelings over time

Do you feel that you are rather turning away, dissociating and numbing yourself than getting in touch with your feelings? I understand, it can seem scary. We do not know what to expect. 

The way forward is to turn to your feelings in the form of body sensations. Speak them out, write them down, share them with a trusted person. Or dance them; changing your physical state will change your sensations. And notice what happens! Trust me, you may be surprised how the simple act of sharing body sensations or moving them will calm you down in a magical way.

As your confidence and trust in this practice strengthens, your capacity for holding feelings will increase. The result: a more empowered you, a more connected you, a more authentic you, a more embodied you!

Have you tried exploring your body sensations when strong feelings occur? What is your experience? Leave a comment below!