How my heart’s fury led me to embodiment

People only change with experience – Reggie Ray (Dharma Ocean)

No teacher, no guru, no friend, no book, no therapist would have been able to show me the path of embodiment. It needed the experience of my heart’s fury to realize that my body carries a tremendous amount of wisdom.

Here is a little story time:

I certainly did not grow up with a strong connection to my body. It was nothing that was cultivated in my family – let alone in the culture I grew up in. In addition, loosing my father relatively early in my life intensified the disassociation to my body. Feeling confused and overwhelmed by the emotional cocktail of fear, uncertainty and love for a parent that was slowly dying, left me with no choice but to feel less and disassociate more.

Unfortunately.

Today I know that it was my system’s intelligence to handle the situation to not get totally overwhelmed. You can guess that it took me years to process this event with the help of therapist and various practitioners. And frankly, I am still working on releasing and dissolving the impact it had on all of my bodies.

Now, why am I sharing all this?

Because trauma release is an important part of becoming more embodied. Moving and releasing the traumatic imprint are important steps to re-connect with the body. However, there is another part of this embodiment journey that I feel is way too little talked about: namely the ENORMOUS WISDOM and intelligence that lives in our vessel and which is rooted in our authentic self, core and true nature!

An intelligence that knows what is true for us after all conditioning falls away, a wisdom that can show us the way towards a more fulfilled life living our purpose and highest self. And an inner compass that simply knows – if we just allow it to speak! This intelligence made itself so obvious to me when I experienced my heart’s fury for the first time.

Here is a bit more story time:

It happened in one of the sessions with my beloved Embodied Flow teacher Tara Judelle: a Yoga/free movement session which focused on opening the heart. I moved in and out of asana, followed the flow into free movement and all of a sudden there it was: the fury of my heart. Burning like a huge fire. Screaming like there is no tomorrow. Furious like a wild dragon. And full of love.

And it said:

I am ANGRY you have ignored me for such a long time! I am your core, I am alive! It is time that you listen, it is time that I fully express myself, it is time to live a whole-hearted life! Stop waiting!!! I am f*** ready to f*** live life FULLY!

… deep breath …

It was an intense experience and I remember sitting on the Yoga mat after the class, confused, exhausted and happy beyond measure! I felt so much love and aliveness, tears rolling down my cheeks… I knew this would be a turning point. And it was.

From that day on, in March 2019, I made a commitment to honor the wisdom that lives in my vessel and to build capacity to feel whatever wants to arise. I felt the dedication to explore it until I knew and FELT all of it – no matter how long it should take. And I knew I had seen and experienced something I could not ignore any longer. That dedication exists until today, in the same fire. That commitment (I know) will be here for the rest of my life.

Now, I would not have found this “path” without letting my body speak. Without making space. Without listening. And without hearing the message. No teacher, no guru, no friend, no book, no therapist would have been able to show me this path. Maybe I would have gotten the idea – but I would have clearly not committed myself in this way.

It was my body and my readiness and openness to it that made the shift. It was the experience of letting my body’s wisdom speak fully that changed my life.

If that inspires you, make space for that wisdom to express itself! Find someone to hold space for you in that. And explore and live a life that feels just a HELL YES, alive and simply YOU.

Have you experienced a moment in your life when your body’s wisdom was clearly speaking to you? Let us know and leave a comment below!